Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
