He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
