Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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