You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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