I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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