He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
