Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
