i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
