she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
