There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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