the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
