I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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