dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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