ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
