What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
