He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
