is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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