He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
