thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
