Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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