he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
