bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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