plz talk dirty to me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
