maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
