'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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