like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
