oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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