Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
