I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
