i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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