Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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