I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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