Little spoons don't ask big questions
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
