If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
