You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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