I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
