I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize