we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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