That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
