OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
