if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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