i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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