Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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