Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am naked and annoyed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
