You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
