Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
