I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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