you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
