So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
