So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love having hate sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
