Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
