i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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