saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
