im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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