I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
