Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
