My first STD was from a foam party
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
