I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
