i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
