dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
