I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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