Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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