I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
