Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize