The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize