That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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