Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
