I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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