I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
